A broken Heart
A sign of love?
On my path in the forest
A broken heart balloon.
Holes and missing parts
The knot is torn apart.
Once a sign of love,
now sign of lost.
Not capable of holding love.
-
The pain deep down in me,
it fits perfectly !
It begins to me tell a story
My story of being torn apart
Into the past
Far back in time,
my heart like a beautiful balloon,
filled with mother’s endless love.
With birth, a knot in the cord.
With growing up,
more gifts arrive,
and helpers to take more space.
To grow even bigger.
Thorn apart
One day - a tad, an angry word.
Thorns and claws are coming closer.
The pointed stalk,
it leaves behind the first small hole.
Air escaping
A sweet word later, a loving hug,
the first patch adheres to it.
Frozen with what happened,
in a cage of anger, fear and love,
the world of coping opens.
Until one day
No one left to cure it,
no patch to put it on.
Substitutes appearing
Stuffed with parts of many,
filled up with sweet and bitterness.
Never whole again,
never full with love.
Until another day
As she left me with no doubt
I am not good enough for her.
The pieces nearly brought together,
just to be broken down by the next.
Found another woman's love to fill my heart
and to be broken by the same.
She’s ripping out the love that’s hers.
Reaching the bottom
Here I am, knowing,
I can't do it anymore!
Not now or at any other time!
No chance to fix the broken heart,
no energy to fill it up.
Will live like that forever
No coping
No substitutes
Nor love from others
To be not broken down again - ever
Help from above
nothing else than prayers left.
As Rumi answers:
"Only the heart which is made hollow will become a flute for the God of love to play on. The pains and sorrows the soul/heart experiences through life, are like burning the holes, cutting the shape and transforming it to an instrument which can be offered to the higher love, to expresses itself by entering into man and filling his whole being."
Leonard Cohen sings for me:
"there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in"
Finally,
the feeling of being broken,
leads me to surrender -
allowing higher to enter.
To dedicate my heart to higher.
To open up with no resistance,
as I have nothing else to loose.
Nothing to cope, nothing to substitute,
surrender to great spirit.
Being played and filled,
with what never was mine
nor ever will be!
Love
A new shape
"Open you heart" I heard so many times but very view told me about the pains which are leading to it. How to let the injuries become openings, to recognize the breaking of the vessel as the extension and surrender, as dedication to a higher will? How to become whole by not restoring the original shape but to be regard it as the perfect new, where the piles of broken glass turn into a foundation?
The state where the divine can flow in and where control, power, compulsive security and fear of injury belongs to the past.
Thousands of consolation does not help the ever hungry heart, it is a bottomless pit that no human can fill.
There is nothing else than to feel the truth of the broken bones - and from the helplessness, the crack in the ego into the experience of opening to the higher. To let infinite love flow into the supposedly broken heart, to let god, spirit, higher will take hand on the holes. Being an instrument for the song of love and compassion.
And finally to share with others - to freely give and take!